I Was Feeling Really Merry, And Then Christmas Happened

I was drinking the kool-aid. I was listening to Christmas music around the clock, spent time gazing at the dazzling lights on the Christmas tree, and wrapping every gift to perfection. I could feel the hype taking over. Heck, it even snowed. How could you not feel warm and fuzzy as the 25th grew closer? But all of the so-called, "holiday spirit" is sort of unattainable. Duh. How did I not realize that before? People are imperfect and no amount of presents or hot chocolate can overwhelm that unfortunate reality. I suppose my expectations were too high, or perhaps not high enough, or maybe I didn't know what to expect. There is one thing that completely destroys any sort of happiness: chaos. I cannot stand arguments, tension, or unnecessary raised voices. Imagine ten people in the same house, all competing for center stage. Peace is the most sought after feeling at this time of year and it is elusive. And peace for most is dependent on only one thing: a boyfriend, quiet, nice presents, etc. I don't know what I'm trying to say except that, Christmas can sometimes be sort of depressing and annoying. Perhaps this is a conclusion that many others have already come to and my secretly optimistic attitude was taking its time to arrive. Let's face it though, no one really cares about the "true meaning of Christmas." I am not saying they shouldn't, I'm just saying they don't, myself included. Maybe it's jut me. I will smile and nod my way through a lovely Christmas Eve service, but the other half of my mind is just thinking about talking to people post-service. Then it's over, and you go to sleep, and you open presents, and eat food, and then what? Holidays are around in order to keep people looking forward to something, to keep them sane and non-suicidal. Then when it's all over, we are even crazier than before. With this in mind, I don't mind keeping them around merely for self-preservation, but I'll keep the consequences in mind.